“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brene Brown
Stepping into the role of intimacy/sexuality writer, speaker, blogger, sex coach, as a 53-year old woman is a terrifying act of embracing my vulnerabilities. Brene Brown defines vulnerability “as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Oh, definitely! As I pen my book about my sexual healing process, I am swimming daily in the choppy waters of vulnerability: what will people think when they read intimate details of my personal life? Who wants to hear about intimacy and sex from a 53-year old woman? (Wow, do 53-year old women even have sex anymore?) (Yes, definitely. And it’s great!) Will this book, my writings, my public speaking actually help people? Will any good come from exposing myself to critical voices?
I have to believe the risk I am taking is worth it. If just one person comes to understand how her sexual expression—her vitality— has been co-opted, and steps up to reclaim it on her own terms—I will have made a difference. And believe me, I’m not aiming for one person: I’m hoping for a revolution.
In 2007, I initiated a personal journey of sexual healing. I am now fiercely passionate about helping others to define and claim their sexuality free from influences outside themselves. Sex is a basic, normal, and vital human drive—neither good nor bad—and yet, since time immemorial, its healthy expression has been utterly vilified, corrupted, and co-opted by sex-negative religious, familial and cultural messaging and people who harm others through non-consensual sex. As a result of all the negativity, so many people are shut down sexually, ashamed over feeling very normal sexual feelings, sexually wounded, and incapable of connecting—even with intimate partners. I’ve had enough and I am speaking out!
Having evolved into a sex-positive advocate as a result of an uncompromising commitment to my own healing, my goal is to help others reclaim their sexuality—whatever that may be for each individual— and to change the conversation about and experience of sexual expression. My message is this: as adults, we get to choose whatever our sexual expression may be for us. Whatever our sexuality may be is normal-as long as it is consensual. And nobody outside of ourselves gets to weigh in. It’s that simple.